I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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