I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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