The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
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