A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
