The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
there is glitter all over my balls
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
