your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
