i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
When did angry sex become our thing?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?