I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.