Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
