Texts From Last Night

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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her

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  (405): Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her http://tfl.nu/rds9
  Replies (20) Good night (1113) Bad night (1980)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too

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  (816): you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too http://tfl.nu/2c4t
  Replies (8) Good night (1120) Bad night (3208)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.

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  (586): No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises. http://tfl.nu/ovsh
  Replies (11) Good night (4679) Bad night (689)
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  (607): View more from New York

  since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.

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  (607): since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket. http://tfl.nu/tn78
  Replies (48) Good night (4825) Bad night (1087)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

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  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (298) Good night (75055) Bad night (2942)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you

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  (602): I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you http://tfl.nu/rxgp
  Replies (23) Good night (1546) Bad night (4234)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.

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  (612): Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff. http://tfl.nu/mldb
  Replies (2) Good night (1008) Bad night (3011)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am

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  (225): I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am http://tfl.nu/iw2h
  Replies (4) Good night (1009) Bad night (1765)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."

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  (270): It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.." http://tfl.nu/em6p
  Replies (5) Good night (4702) Bad night (745)
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  (805): View more from California

  OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.

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  (805): OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine. http://tfl.nu/qt1j
  Replies (12) Good night (2666) Bad night (605)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  How was the party last night?

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.

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  (386): How was the party last night? (918): I'm dangerously close to shitting myself. http://tfl.nu/f0x1
  Replies (3) Good night (570) Bad night (890)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.

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  (618): If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies. http://tfl.nu/67ah
  Replies (2) Good night (737) Bad night (517)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..

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  (802): Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious.. http://tfl.nu/rub0
  Replies (3) Good night (430) Bad night (494)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator

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  (415): Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator http://tfl.nu/2d96
  Replies (3) Good night (960) Bad night (218)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.

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  (913): I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it. http://tfl.nu/jhg3
  Replies (2) Good night (520) Bad night (203)

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