dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila