Texts From Last Night

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  (440): View more from Ohio

  you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..

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  (440): you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents.. http://tfl.nu/shss
  Replies (17) Good night (553) Bad night (3847)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.

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  (845): I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt. http://tfl.nu/j6pk
  Replies (9) Good night (596) Bad night (2467)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.

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  (781): he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where. http://tfl.nu/dvsr
  Replies (3) Good night (3287) Bad night (1243)
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  (516): View more from New York

  i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor

  (1-516): View more from New York

  did you bang her?

  (516): View more from New York

  seriously?

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  (516): i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor (1-516): did you bang her? (516): seriously? http://tfl.nu/fyme
  Replies (25) Good night (1840) Bad night (6288)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.

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  (203): I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further. http://tfl.nu/4sxq
  Replies (5) Good night (2460) Bad night (704)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.

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  (307): I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American. http://tfl.nu/4si2
  Replies (93) Good night (1566) Bad night (9176)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip

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  (703): drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip http://tfl.nu/b5at
  Replies (12) Good night (2970) Bad night (1029)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.

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  (905): I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out. http://tfl.nu/0m9y
  Replies (7) Good night (2362) Bad night (656)
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  (325): View more from Texas

  I fcuked ip.

  (214): View more from Texas

  Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?

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  (325): I fcuked ip. (214): Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge? http://tfl.nu/167p
  Replies (2) Good night (1444) Bad night (546)
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  (607): View more from New York

  just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out

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  (607): just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out http://tfl.nu/axwq
  Replies (5) Good night (955) Bad night (587)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.

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  (541): It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost. http://tfl.nu/hkh5
  Replies (2) Good night (851) Bad night (398)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.

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  (206): Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats. http://tfl.nu/azi3
  Replies (12) Good night (380) Bad night (873)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.

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  (734): Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator. http://tfl.nu/c745
  Replies (1) Good night (601) Bad night (334)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"

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  (937): She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!" http://tfl.nu/x0ik
  Replies (3) Good night (706) Bad night (355)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.

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  (780): You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic. http://tfl.nu/85dj
  Replies (1) Good night (393) Bad night (453)

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