Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
