Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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