So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
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Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
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He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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