We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
