My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
