dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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