I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
