just tell him i said nine months
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
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dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
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Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
is it fun? or sober?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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