Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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