pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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