We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
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