What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
