I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
