Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
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