you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
