Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just want to make out with him forever
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
