Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
