what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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