You can't motorboat a personality
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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