i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I don't deserve a penis
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
These tits shall not be calmed
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
