So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
