I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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