I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Hippo gnu deer
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
