you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
