I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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