I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
