If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
