i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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