this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
