I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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