Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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