I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
