You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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