The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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