i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
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130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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