Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
