OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
