I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
