He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
