Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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