Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
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He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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