I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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