it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino