Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful