I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.