Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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