good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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