I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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