So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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