my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
