You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
