Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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